There are too many times when young girls are abused by young boys. But, more times than we think, young boys are manipulated by young girls. There are ways to protect your children by listening to them and watching out for certain signs of behavior.
I personally know of a few cases where a boy has been taken advantage of. In these cases, all of the children were around the age of 8 or 9. As the statistics show, girls, on average, are a couple of years ahead of boys on maturity level.
In the first incident, the young boy came in the house from playing with a couple of neighborhood girls and asked his mom if it were OK to allow those girls to watch him pee. They wanted to see him naked and who knows what else would have happened. And, of course, you could imagine her response with a big fat NO. He told her they wanted to see him and kept telling him to go to the bathroom in front of them. Apparently, they had been after him for a few weeks before he finally asked his mom about it. The mom karachi girls decided to take action and did the right thing by bringing them home and explaining the situation to their parents.
Young children are naturally curious about their bodies and depending on maturity level and who they hang around with, parents should be aware and be ready to explain life a little sooner than they might realize. Ask your doctor when a good age is for this discussion with your child, even if you may be a little embarrassed by it yourself. I remember growing up and our parents NEVER talking about sex or our bodies. One cannot be too careful now days because there are too many out there too ready to abuse and manipulate both a situation and child to get what they want.
The next case involves a friend of mine whose son was being harassed by another “neighbor” girl in his same grade school to pull his pants down on school grounds and rub each other’s butt. She kept inviting the boy over on weekends and telling him it was OK to do things like play with himself and the dolls she still played with. She claimed her older sister did it and she learned from them. What was bad is that she was basically ruining the boy’s innocence. But then her innocence was ruined by her sister’s behavior. What a vicious cycle that could have been prevented if only the parent’s were involved!
And in this last case, things went too far and it was way after the fact to take action when it was needed. I spoke with an individual whose son was sexually abused by their neighbor’s daughter at the age of about 8. Her son is now about 13 and it was not until he was about 11 when they found out.
Growing up, her two children and their neighbor’s only child would frequently go back and forth playing in the woods behind their country homes. Her son and their daughter always argued, usually ending up with her son being at fault. Every time something happened, her mom would call the boy’s mom complaining and saying he did that and he did this. Their daughter got herself into some big trouble on the bus ride home from school one day and the girl’s mom so much as had the nerve to call and blame it on her son. She never could accept responsibility for her daughter’s actions, thus, not teaching her daughter to accept responsibility.
She wanted many times to tell them to just stay away from each other and quit being friends, but she felt sorry for the girl since she was an only child and there were no other children around. So, she tried to explain to her kids that the girl did not know how to act around others and always got her way because she was by herself. The mother did not have any friends and they really never associated with people. Almost as if they were recluse from the world at times. So, she told her kids to be nice and try to get along because God says to love your neighbor as yourself (Matthew 19:19 and Leviticus). She actually felt sorry for the family.
Things eventually got worse and the girl’s mom even threatened her. Therefore, there was no more communication between the two families and she even pulled her son out of school to home school him to avoid any more trouble at school or on the bus. She was kind of contemplating home schooling anyhow, so the situation just made the decision easier. While home schooling, they read the Bible every day and after a couple of years when they were discussing Galatians 5:16-22 about God not allowing those who commit sexual sin, jealousy, rage, and so forth into His new Kingdom, her son broke down and told her what had happened.
She thought back to that time when they were friends and remembered her son asking her what a certain thing adults do was. To not go into explicit detail and as I promised, I will just say it was of the oral content. He said the girl had told him about it. The boy’s mom brushed it off and told him he was too young to understand things and when she felt he was ready, she would explain everything.
She also recalled around that time a book she borrowed to discuss the facts of life to her daughter had been missing for a while. The more she thought about what he told her and the more she recalled little bits of things from the past, she said she got sick. Her son told her that she took the book for a while. She thought about the girl’s behavior and she never ever really looked at people when she was spoken to or spoke, she was always wringing her fingers together as if nervous, and she always seemed a tad sneaky. If she only could have gone back and asked more about WHY he was asking. If only she had thought more on her behavior before it had been too late. The girl told him it was OK because her mom and dad do it so she took a blanket to a secluded spot and had her way with him.
They spoke with a criminal lawyer about the mom’s comments and the past and he said by now it is too late because of the “he said, she said” thing and that most people like this use intimidation to control people. He suggested documenting things and then a doctor suggested getting a camera for some of the issues that occurred after the fact.
The mom gave me a lot to think about since I have children too. Seeing and hearing her pain and thinking on the other’s stories, I decided others need to know the what if’s so they can prevent their children from being manipulated and abused. So, if you are a parent or know someone close to you with children, give them the good advice in this article. Many children now days are exposed to or made aware of their sexuality to early. You do not want to discriminate against the opposite sex, but it is wise to keep your children’s friends to being of the same sex, especially if they are about the same age in the years before 15. Maturity levels really do make a difference in each individual and most girls are a couple of years advanced.
Make sure you explain early on how you expect your children to behave and make them aware of what is right and wrong. You should know your own children’s maturity level, but you also need to at least have a good idea on their friend’s maturity level as well. That does not mean to go asking personal questions and putting ideas into their spongy heads, it means to use your common sense and see from their behavior and how they act. Many youngsters are nervous around others at first, but after a little while, they should be able to give you good eye contact and less nervousness behavior. If after a while it does not change, a flag should go up in your head and you should be cautious. Usually, but not always, they are hiding something.
Even if there is a situation like this last one and you are feeling sorry for someone because of their family situation, chances are you are not doing them a favor by letting them get by with some of their behavior. Be gentle and honest, explaining what you expect in your home and around your children. Have rules to follow and follow them.
Do not get too wrapped up in every day life to not pay attention to what is going on in your children’s lives. Be aware that more things could be happening. Do not go overboard and be paranoid, but just keep yourselves really involved with your children. You will better know how they act and what is going on with them. When they get a little older they may get a little irritated because they see you as a pest, but until they do, you are in charge and they must comply. You can always slack up later.
Do not leave your children alone with the opposite sex, or the same sex if you feel it is not wise. It only makes into a situation where things can get quickly out of control.
Keep your private lives with your spouse just that – private. Kids will do everything they can to imitate their parents at times. They learn from us parents and we are responsible to God for raising them properly. Some may feel it is appropriate to do whatever in front of their children, but really, it is not. They can be told when they are old enough what life is about and figure it out on their own when they marry. That is the blessing of a husband and a wife. So please, keep that part sacred for their sake and perhaps the sake of others that could be affected like this last case. Be sure to hide all sexually related material from your children and their friends. Kids are too curious and nosy for their own good sometimes.
Too many cases of harassment occur now days and manipulating others is a criminal offense. So teach your children right from wrong while they are young so you can perhaps prevent anything bad from causing physical or mental abuse. Keep the lines of communication open so you can talk to your children every day. Make it comfortable enough for them to come to you if there is ever a problem. Let them know you love them and home is a safe place. Do not be afraid or pine away from asking too many questions; you cannot ask too many! Let them know that other’s actions should not include bending to someone’s wishes and doing what they want when it is wrong. You CAN keep your children from being manipulated and just because you have a boy, do not underestimate what some young girls are capable of. Speaking with a high school principal once, some girls can be down right mean and vicious.